so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have fence marks all over my body
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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