gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
