i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I want to make a zoo with you.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
