she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
