i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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