no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize