He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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