Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
