Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
