i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
