K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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