Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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