There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize