Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you didnt know i had herpes?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
