it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
