When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
