Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
