gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
