grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
