on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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