wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
