She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
