Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
