Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
