hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
