I look better un-naked...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
