Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
