I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
