maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No more Irish car bombs ever.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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