Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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