We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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