That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
