Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize