STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
