Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
