you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize