I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
