why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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