Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
