dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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