if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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