But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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