marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
