I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize