i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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