It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize