You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
