Nicole vs. Life
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
