Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize