I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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