PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
