I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
