if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
