I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
