the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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