this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
