This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im holly from the hills drunk
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
