Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
