Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I wish i was in the wii world.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
