There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
