I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize