The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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