i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
