I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
