I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
