I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
