She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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