At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
