this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
