how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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